Someday I will not be sad/ mad/ crazy

Today is such a hard day for me as well as Jeremiah. Jeremiah is not doing well today. He refused to do any school work this morning so I made him go to bed. Mind you this is at 9:30 am. he passed out cold. His speech is slurred. I woke him up for speech T and he went and she said he did not do god. Could not follow directions. She has noticed that he is no onger doing good. He woke up from his nap and his eye is drooping and he is bursting into tears over everything. He started crying for Lisa our nurse that we had before, crying where is she?.

So I have had a rough day. I am very upset over Dr koh and childrens and cannot fathom why they are being like they are. I feel very panicky inside. which is making me feel very angry.
Its so not fair as josiah would say.

I dont want to be like this stessed out and miserable. I want to be full of the joy of the Lord. I cant stand this. My prayer life is lacking very much right now. except my pleas for help. But there is no help. I am so worn out and needing relief.

We finally have the whole house clean. Only problem it does not stay perfectly clean. If only it would. I guess that is a daily on going battle. I just dont understand how women keep their houses so very perfect and then there is me lacking so very much. The only way is not to let my children move or play, or wait even breathe. Please if anyone could give me advice id love it.

I am trying so hard to stick to a 1200-1400 calorie diet so that I can lose weight and so that my blood sugur will come under control. One reason my moods are so crazy is because of my blood sugar staying so high. I have been actually testing it four times a day. Its slowly starting to come down which will in turn help me lose weight.

I do have hope and I do have things to look forward to. I just dont know how to help Jeremiah.

Have a great day. Wren